I took a break from saying NO

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I saw this meme and it made me laugh out loud. Yes LOL.

That is exactly what my son M says to me right before he does something crazy. More like “Mama look!” as he attempts to pick up baby S by his head only. I spend my day saying “NO don’t do this,” “no don’t do that”, “don’t put your tongue in the electrical sockets.” What is it with boys and the need to want to poke, touch, lick everything they’re not supposed to. It’s almost an innate trait that boys have in regards to living on the edge. Not my cup of tea that’s for sure. I find myself running around like a headless chicken most days trying to put out fires (metaphorically speaking) and screaming at the top of my lungs to get my kids to just STOP. WHAT. THEY’RE. DOING.

Yes I’m a screamer. I will admit that. When you have 2 boys who are as wild and as active as my boys, I would be totally surprised if you didn’t yell at the top of your lungs like I do. Please understand, I do not enjoy the screaming. I honestly don’t think it’s right for the development of a child. Screaming at your child to stop doing something just reiterates that that is how they should deal with problems as well. And to be honest, the last thing I want is for my kids to be those boys in their class that are screaming at everyone hoping it’ll get them to listen. Because in the end, that doesn’t get you anywhere. I know firsthand that it doesn’t work. But I’m telling you that I’m a screamer because I know a lot of moms who have told me in secret that they do it to but will never admit they do it for fear of judgement from their other mom friends. It’s like we are a part of this secret club, SA (screamers anonymous). My name is Ghada and I am a screamer. I’m always yelling at them to stop doing what they’re doing for fear of them making a mess, or hurting themselves, or just hurting others. I’ve actually stopped enjoying my kids lately. Rather than letting them just be, I spend all day telling them NO. And it’s exhausting.

Thankfully, I’m lucky enough to have a dear friend who is working towards becoming a Life Coach. Hiba Kandalaft is a phenomenal person and everyone should get in touch with her to get a little guidance and perspective as to who they are as a person, who they want to be, and how to get there. Trust me, everyone needs life coaching.  Hiba is working with me to better myself in a lot of different areas of my life, including dealing with my kids. So the other day, after a long session of discussing how important it is for me to have a good relationship with my kids and to stop screaming to get them to listen, we decided my homework would be to just relax, stop saying NO to everything, and enjoy my kids.

I did this experiment yesterday and WOW. Your kids really do pick up on your energy. When I’m annoyed and frustrated, that mood moves throughout the house like a tornado ready to crap on any good vibes that get in its way. I didn’t worry so much about saying NO to all the stupid things they did yesterday. I didn’t stress too much when they didn’t listen to me. I just let them be. And they were so much more well behaved than usual. It’s true when you put good energy out into the world you will get that back. Me saying no all the time gives them an indication as to what will push my buttons. And kids seem to like to push buttons. When I stopped saying NO yesterday, they really had no room to test the limits in a sense.

Yesterday was just the beginning for me. It’s an ongoing learning process. But a little tip for all you mamas: next time you’re at the end of your rope, and your kid(s) have done a hundred idiotic things that day, just take a step back, count to 10 and breathe. Shake it off (literally – my other homework is to do a little “shake it off” dance whenever I’m about to lose it). And just let them be. It’s all good. They’re just kids doing what kids do. It’s. All. Good.

And get in touch with Hiba Kandalaft for some life coaching- you’ll thank me later!

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